just a short time ago i wanted to die. i wished the peace of not waking up and having to face the desolation that was my life. but i had 2 children and i simply could disappear from their lives, they had suffered enough.

and now, just a few short years later, i have seen one child move in with a partner and another child marry. a year later that child provided me with a grandson.

i cannot express what differences these things have made to my quality of life. how totally amazing it is to have an expanding family who love you and a grandchild that was never going to happen.

family is everything. sometimes family is blood and sometimes they are wonderful people that become family because they add something to everyone in your family.

R.I.P.

my lovely beeblebrox passed away in the early hours of this morning.

the vets decided around 18 months ago that he had an allergy to flea bites and after a few cortisone injections told us to give him piriton. this did help but only a little bit. in fact i think he had a number of allergies.

last week we really seemed to be making progress, he was very much better, his skin was obviously still itching but not nearly so much and he was completely back to his old self, jumping up and pushing my bedroom door open, bounding into the room and leaping onto my bed to announce himself.

he had taken to sitting on the radio alarm clock and pressing the buttons everytime he moved! in fact he altered the time a few times and the snooze tim is now set for 2 hours!

at night he had taken to sleeping wrapped round my head which was really sweet.

i am going to bury him by the olive tree, then he can rest with his best friend tom.

rest in peace my lovely.